ABOUT THE FILM
On•tol•og•ica! | änˈtäləjikə! | noun, verb
1. A ﬁlm about Everything.
2. An epic and mind-bending trip through Reality at all levels.
3. An award winning independent experimental feature film in which virtually every major area of human knowledge and experience is explored. Including, but not limited to: cosmology, quantum physics, evolutionary biology, spirituality, sexuality, neurology, philosophy, and cucumber-ology. All ideas and concepts are explored in an original, entertaining, and artistic way. You’d obviously have to be a complete idiot not to see this ﬁlm. It even has giraffes in it.
4. An experimental cinematic creation that deﬁes traditional categorization. Not to be confused with either a ﬁctional narrative or a documentary film.
5. An experience unlike any experience that has ever been experienced. Not dissimilar to the act of loading the Universe into a shotgun and ﬁring it into your brain. See also: Mindfuck.
6. The blissful realization of the True Nature of Reality, the Universe, and Everything. A peek behind the Cosmic Curtain to glimpse the Eternal Truth obscured by the Almost Infinite Bullshit. A bite from the Cosmic Cucumber.
7. The satisfaction of Hidden Desires for the Unknown Pleasures of Eternal Lust. An Existential Orgasm. No mind shall be left unblown.
WARNING: this ﬁlm contains gratuitous sex, uncivilized violence, perverse language, religious blasphemy, cosmic consciousness, truth, beauty, knowledge, reality, and cucumbers. Viewing this ﬁlm may cause suicidal cravings and/or feelings of Eternal Cosmic Bliss in otherwise perfectly healthy people. Under no circumstances is it safe or advisable for this ﬁlm to be viewed by anyone, ever.
ABOUT THE FILMMAKERS
SKYLAR GORDON – Writer/Director
In creating a bio for oneself, it is conventional to write in the third person. Anyone who’s read the Bible knows that the first two people were Adam and Eve, and the third person was their first child Cain, who had to have sex with his sisters in order to populate the Earth. Skylar Gordon finds such behavior somewhat disagreeable, and wishes to have nothing to do with the third person. Therefore, the remainder of this bio will be written from a factual, rather than Biblical perspective.
The Atoms that make up the molecules that make up the cells that make up Skylar Gordon began their long and propitious journey towards His accumulation approximately 13.7 billion years ago in the Orgasmic Birth of Our Universe. Then a bunch of other things happened, and eventually these atoms were combined into the Heavier Elements in the Nuclear Wombs of the Primordial Stars, from which they were spread across Intergalactic space-time in Super Nova Explosions. In time, these atoms ﬁnally settled down on a tiny water covered rock to begin yet another long and propitious journey of Evolution by Natural Selection. Then a bunch of other things happened yet again, and approximately 4.3 billion years later these atoms accumulated in His Mother’s Womb and emerged from her in their Ultimate Culmination as the Body and Blood of Skylar Gordon.
He is very tired from this prolonged journey, but when he has the time and energy, he writes and makes ﬁlms for the beneﬁt of humankind. Skylar’s intention in all artistic endeavors is to use the inherent potential of art to raise people’s consciousness and shift their perceptions to a Higher Level of Awareness, so that humanity may live a more enlightened, compassionate, and fulﬁlling existence during our brief and precious time on this planet. He also wishes to use the inherent potential of art to become inordinately rich and powerful.
Skylar lives in New York City with his three wives and seven children. He often wears a top hat and walks with a cane. If you would like to contact him, please address your prayers to "Lord Skylar," or go here.
Editor’s Note: Skylar has never had sex with an underaged transgender prostitute, any allegations to the contrary are completely unfounded.
MILOSZ JEZIORSKI – Musician/Composer
Milosz Jeziorski is the resident Musical Genius at The Cosmic Curtain. Both of his parents were accomplished musicians, and on the eve of his conception each was visited by an identical Dream in which they were told that they would bring forth into the world a Son, and that He too would be a Maker of Music. In this dream they were given detailed instructions. On the following evening at dusk, Milosz’s mother dutifully placed a pair of Meridian DSP9000 speakers upon her belly through which she fed her unborn son an unceasing inﬂux of musical nutrition for 24 hours a day throughout the entire duration of her pregnancy. During this gestational period, the oscillations of these auditory vibrations coaxed, caressed, and intertwined with the developing child’s neuronal structures in the most mysterious of ways.
At birth, Milosz exited the womb in Complete Silence. The doctor reluctantly informed the new mother that her son was deaf and mute, and that he would never speak, much less create music. She wept. In anger and desperation, the boy’s father threw to the ground the hand carved ﬂute he had brought as a gift for his newborn son, breaking it in half. Without blinking or making a sound, the infant reached to the ﬂoor and lovingly embraced the fractured instrument. Holding it together with his tiny hands, he began to play the most beautiful music any of them had ever heard. As he played, the three of them wept.
By the age of two Milosz had mastered the music of all the world’s great composers, and by the age of six he was traveling the globe as the most accomplished musician of his time. At thirteen, he was on the verge of a musical breakthrough that was to bless humanity with an entirely New Kind of music to be heard at frequencies previously inaudible to the human ear. In the midst of composing this Magnum Opus, which was destined to become a precursor to the dawn of a New Era, not only for music, but for humankind itself, Milosz discovered the Earthly Pleasures of drugs, women, and panda bears.
After the passing of an undetermined number of years, Milosz awoke from a foggy haze to realize what he had done, and he wept. Entering a Dark Night of the Soul, Milosz went on an existential journey across the seven continents to contemplate this tragedy and discover a remedy to his unforgivable error. Returning home empty handed, he swore that he would never compose again. He then reentered the dark underbelly of the world of Earthly Pleasures, where after the passing of another undetermined number of years, he met Skylar Gordon who told him of a Film he had conceived of in a Dream the night before. A Bright Clear Light encompassed them and Milosz said “I shall compose again”. Together, they wept.
If you would like to learn more about Milosz or consider him for your next project, go to miloszjeziorski.com.
MATTHEW BREWSTER – Motion Graphics Designer/Animator
An editor and Motion Graphics designer by trade, Matt is most known for his unique method of creating his astounding graphics. Though he steadfastly denies it, his creative process involves putting himself under psychedelically induced self-hypnosis to generate ideas, which he then outsources to a team of highly evolved bonobo chimps with whom he has an exclusive contract. He then takes all of the credit for himself, and claims to have a deep hatred and fear of bonobo chimps (bonobophobia). Shame on you, Matt.
Mr. Brewster is also an accomplished and passionate lover. If you would like to contact Matt or consider him and his team of apes for your next project, email him here: firstname.lastname@example.org.
CHRIS DICKINSON – Sound Designer/Editor/Mixer
Chris Dickinson is a Master of Sound Wizardry and was born with the distinct ability to turn any project into a synesthesia inducing orgasmic auditory experience. He is also a very intelligent, charming, and handsome man. If you would like to contact Chris or consider him for your next project, go here: www.chrisdickinson.net
SINEP SRALYKS – Producer
His Holiness Sinep Sralyks M.D., Ph.D, L.S.D., is considered by many to be the greatest being who has ever lived. He has been described as “a mix between Isaac Newton, The Buddha, and G.G. Allin.” He served as the ofﬁcial Communicator to the Cosmos for Ontologica! and was its muse and inspiration. Very little else is known about Sinep. If you would like be in contact him, just wait and he will appear to you when the time is right.
ABOUT THE COSMIC CURTAIN
The Cosmic Curtain is the name for the neuropsychological reality constructed by the brains of bipedal mammalian primates (homo sapiens). A peek behind The Cosmic Curtain reveals the Eternal Truth obscured by the Almost Inﬁnite Bullshit. The Cosmic Curtain is also the name of a production company owned and operated by Skylar Gordon and Sinep Sralyks. Right now they produce ﬁlms. In the future they will produce other cool things as well. Stay Tuned.